jojo-mama

2008-01-30T21:50:00.001-08:00

All you can eat

We had a coupon for an all-you-can-eat buffet tonight. We have two young kids so we got there around 5pm with all the old timers. Here is what I find at buffets:

1. Very large, poorly dressed people

2. Very large kids drinking A LOT of soda and eating A LOT. This strikes me as especially sad since last night on "the Biggest Loser" they talked about the average person DRINKING 50 POUNDS of sugar a year through soda. That's about 20 pounds of weight gain a year. I am not a big soda drinker so this is an easy area for me to do without.

3. Lots of old people

4. A feeling of franticness to hurry up and get the next plate. I dont know what this is, but it feels like a race of some kind to eat and get your plate cleared and hunt for your next plateful. Maybe this is tied to sticking it to the man and eating more than you paid for somehow.

5. Just OK food but really, really good dessert and thick chocolate milk. I swear there was 10 desserts I wanted to try, but I really wanted to set a good example for my kids more.

2008-01-22T20:16:00.000-08:00

Trash talk

Dear Husbands,

The small, decorative trashcans that you find in the bedroom and bathroom are for the following:

a tissue
the tag from new clothes
feminine products (bathroom)
q-tips (bathroom)

they are not for:
the Sunday newspaper
mail
banana peels or apple cores or any food
dirty diapers

Really, these receptacles are more of a symbol, a TEMPORARY place for a small amount of trash. We do not line these things with black industrial-sized bags for a reason. Oh, and if you see the trash can has trash in it, take FIVE MINUTES and empty the can!

Please take note, and act accordingly.

Respectfully,

your wives

2008-01-08T11:18:00.000-08:00

Innocence vs. Naive

Today my mother in law asked me if I knew what a 'dildo' was.

Let me back track, it started innocently enough with a birthday wish phone call. One conversation led to another which led to her telling me about her husband's friend who sends him "dirty jokes" through the email. I laughed and said maybe Dad enjoyed them, to which she responded I don't even know if he knows what they mean.

"He sent one about a Dill pickle or pickle... let me think..." she said. "Oh, yeah, a DILDO! Do you even know what that is?"

Of course, there was a pause because I wondered if she was serious, if I should admit that I knew etc.

"Uh, yeah..." I said.

"Well I got the email while Josh and Lisa were here," she said of her daughter and husband. "And LISA knew! I said 'What were you raised on the streets?!'"

So many things did I love about this conversation: the fact that she thought of a dill pickle and then that she thought that her daughter was raised on the streets if she knew, and then that she told me about it.

I always wonder rasing my kids what I want my kids to know and not to know. I don't want them to be so niave that they fall for anything but on the other hand I want them to be innocent. I am not sure where to find that balance. Any thoughts?

2007-07-04T07:36:00.000-07:00

Wedding vows: non-Independence Day thoughts

I seem to have lots of friends who are struggling with the promises they made years ago to each other. For one reason or another -- affairs or Bordem or communication-- couples are on the brink of divorce. I have been thinking about the promises we make on that day with the big cake: promises we make where we invite everyone we know basically to witness it and to hold us to it. Not for the "better" part or the "health" part for for the "worse" and "sickness" parts. There is an assumption in these promises that the bad parts will come and when they do you are going to stick with it until death.

My husband has always said he will make the vows once and that is it because that is all he needs. I wonder if married couples should make them annually on their anniversary as a reminder. Not because they run out after a year but because you need to remember that though part you are now in is part of the deal going in.

It will be hard. It will be heart-breaking and it will be worth it.

I, (Bride/Groom), take you (Groom/Bride), to be my (wife/husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part. I, (name), take you, (name), to be my [opt: lawfully wedded] (husband/wife), my constant friend, my faithful partner and my love from this day forward.

In the presence of God, our family and friends, I offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow. I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, to honor and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, and to cherish you for as long as we both shall live.

2007-06-27T22:58:00.000-07:00

Mom gear 101

Things I have found you need as a mom:

1. In the car you must always have diapers, wipes, a couple of toys, pac 'n' play. stroller, bottled water, snacks, a "restaurant bag" and jackets.

2. A "restaurant bag" has bibs and assorted toys that the kids only get to play with while they are waiting on the food. I have a travel fishing game, play-doh and wind-up toys.

3. Flip-flops. Oh how I LOVE flip-flops. I can't live without flip flops. Easy to put on and off to run to the mailbox or dumpster or pool. I don't know if I can live where there is snow because then I would have to actually TIE my shoes on. They are my work shoes. And for kids they are great too, except when they are really small, like my 2-year-old, he will flip them off and lose them in a store. Besides that they can put on their own shoes. Also crocs are nice for this, and with crocs they are less likely to fall while running.

4. A good stroller, like a jog stroller that you can take looong walks in and your kids are comfortable enough to sleep.

5. Balls. Both literally and figuratively. Easy and cheap toy and the guts to endure another day without adult conversation.

6. Play dates. That is so suburban, I know, but you have to meet your friends and have new toys for your kids to be engrossed in for a couple hours. It will get you to nap time and you will get to exchange a few sentences in a couple hours between screams of "Share!" and "Be nice!"

7. Trips to the mall. We hit the soft pretzel store first then while the kids are engrossed, and let me emphasize GROSS because of the sugar all over the place, you can have 10 minutes to look at clothes. Not try them on, but look and buy and hope for the best. Then you hit the Disney store and destroy it and the pet store. If you are luck the mall will have a free enclosed play area where you can sip a latte.

8. When in doubt when your kids are malfunctioning: give them a bath or take them on a walk. Always help reset them.

9. You have to have a yard (without one, you have to go to the park alot). Outside is sooo great for kids to discover bugs and dirt and weeds. Entertainment for what seems like hours. And the fresh air is good for both of you. Remember when your mom would say "Go outside...be back by dinner!" The good ol' days.

10. Be in the moment. Forget the laundry and the mess you will make, and play. Play. Play. Sometimes when the kids aren't playing well, you need to stop and help them play for like 10 minutes and the you can go back to work. Or stop working and enjoy them. Soon enough they won't even be sleeping under the same roof as you. Time flies. You are creating their childhood. Play!

2007-05-21T17:49:00.000-07:00

Why I love President Carter
Honesty, honesty, honesty for a change

FROM THE AP: Carter came down hard on the Iraq war.
“We now have endorsed the concept of pre-emptive war where we go to war with another nation militarily, even though our own security is not directly threatened, if we want to change the regime there or if we fear that some time in the future our security might be endangered,” he said. “But that’s been a radical departure from all previous administration policies.”
Carter, who won a Nobel Peace Prize in 2002, criticized Bush for having “zero peace talks” in Israel. Carter also said the administration “abandoned or directly refuted” every negotiated nuclear arms agreement, as well as environmental efforts by other presidents.
Carter also offered a harsh assessment for the White House’s Office of Faith-Based and Community Initiatives, which helped religious charities receive $2.15 billion in federal grants in fiscal year 2005 alone.
“The policy from the White House has been to allocate funds to religious institutions, even those that channel those funds exclusively to their own particular group of believers in a particular religion,” Carter said. “As a traditional Baptist, I’ve always believed in separation of church and state and honored that premise when I was president, and so have all other presidents, I might say, except this one.”
Douglas Brinkley, a Tulane University presidential historian and Carter biographer, described Carter’s comments as unprecedented.
“This is the most forceful denunciation President Carter has ever made about an American president,” Brinkley said. “When you call somebody the worst president, that’s volatile. Those are fighting words.”
Carter also lashed out Saturday at British prime minister Tony Blair. Asked how he would judge Blair’s support of Bush, the former president said: “Abominable. Loyal. Blind. Apparently subservient.”“And I think the almost undeviating support by Great Britain for the ill-advised policies of President Bush in Iraq have been a major tragedy for the world,” Carter told British Broadcasting Corp. radio.

and the famous:

"I've looked on many women with lust. I've committed adultery in my heart many times. God knows I will do this and forgives me."
JIMMY CARTER, interview in Playboy magazine, 1976

2007-05-21T14:34:00.000-07:00

Simplicity

Dr. Karl Barth was one of the most brilliant and complex intellectuals of the twentieth century who also graced the cover of Time magazine. He wrote volume after massive volume on the meaning of life and faith. A reporter once asked Dr. Barth if he could summarize what he had said in all those volumes. Dr. Barth thought for a moment and then said: "Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so."

"A man can no more diminish God's glory by refusing to worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word, 'darkness' on the walls of his cell. " CS Lewis

“I am trying here to prevent anyone saying the really foolish thing that people often say about Him: “I’m ready to accept Jesus as a great moral teacher, but I don’t accept His claim to be God.” That is the one thing we must not say. A man who said the sort of things Jesus said would not be a great moral teacher. He would either be a lunatic — on a level with the man who says he is a poached egg — or else he would be the Devil of Hell. You must make your choice. Either this man was, and is, the Son of God: or else a madman or something worse. You can shut Him up for a fool, you can spit at Him and kill Him as a demon; or you can fall at His feet and call Him Lord and God. But let us not come with any patronizing nonsense about His being a great human teacher. He has not left that open to us. He did not intend to.” CS Lewis

2007-05-15T12:22:00.000-07:00

Freedom

Knowing couples who are suffering through infidelity, I know I have freedom when my cellphone rings and I don't have to worry if my husband answers. Or when he reads my email.

I had freedom before we were married: I didn't think twice about my period being late because we were waiting to have sex until we got married.

I remember freedom when I reached my goal weight in college and I thought "what will I think about all of the time now that I don't need to think about my weight."

"...where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom." 2 Cor. 3:17

2007-05-14T14:17:00.000-07:00

Links I love

I check some of these like three times a day hoping for an update, others I check once a week. I enjoy all of them for different reasons.

http://www.rosie.com/
the home movies are fun and I LOVE the q&a

http://www.myspace.com/glen8p
my sister-in-laws brother. He is very funny and smart.

http://www.myspace.com/pambeesley
jenna fischer from The Office!

http://watcheronline.blogspot.com/
the registers tv columnist. If you love TV...

http://lisamertins.blogspot.com/
http://blogs.ocregister.com/sketchlife/
my fantastic, talented, wonderful artist friend from work. I love that she is one of the smartest, politically savvy people I know and never went to college. Huge vocab too! She has come to UP a couple times...

2007-05-13T19:59:00.000-07:00

Mother's Day

My pastor asked me to do the "communion meditation" at church today. A couple people asked for a copy of what I said, so here it is:

Its almost cliché to talk about the sacrifice mothers make: pregnancy, labor, breastfeeding, sleepless nights with a newborn or sick kid, listening to kids music over and over and over in the car, changing diapers, constantly talking, correcting and answering questions. Its cliché because its true and we do it because it’s worth every minute. Nothing beats an “I love you mommy” or a hug for no reason at all.

It’s a humbling time for me right now as mom of young kids because every time I correct my kids for not listening and they cry and beg and plead I am reminded of my time with God. He wanting the best, and me wanting the “right now”. Being a mom has taught me a little bit of what it must be like for God to parent us:

When my child runs into the street without looking to get a toy, I have learned the fear and disappointment of God watching me make dangerous and costly decisions about my health, relationships and my life over temporary and small things.

When my child is cruel or mean to another child, I learn the sadness of God watching me be envious or jealous or gossip.

When my child ignores pleas or commands for them to “come here,” I learn how God watches and waits to hear from me all day and how I can be distracted by lesser things.

When my child obeys or laughs or jokes or prays, I learn about the joy and pride of a God who calls me his “beloved child.”

And when I prepare a meal and call my children to the table to enjoy it, and maybe think of the one who prepared it, I remember communion. I remember how Jesus asked us to come and remember the blood he shed on the cross by drinking the juice and the body that was broken by eating the bread. I think about how He wants us to come and join Him and remember Him. Not when you are clean and perfect, He will take care of that, but now just as you are He wants to be with you.

Let’s pray: God thank you for the countless and endless lessons you teach us everyday, especially when we become parents. Thank you for the sacrifice and the love you have displayed vividly on the cross. Help us to remember daily the love you have for us. Amen.

2007-05-13T19:46:00.000-07:00

What I think of as luxuries

Coming from poverty -- and brief homelessness -- growing up, today I felt very rich because of a couple recent, seemingly simple purchases:

1. Always having milk or affording to buy it.

2. Being able to buy bras and underwear more than once every other year...before they are full of holes and the color is faded and dull.

3. A white purse because it has always seemed too limited to one or two seasons: spring and summer. I always get tan, black, navy or maybe red to wear year round. I bought my first WHITE one last week and I smile every time I use it. The best part: it was on sale and it was only $20 at Target and I still paused before I bought it.

4. Fresh expensive fruit like cherries, purple grapes, raspberries and blackberries.

5. Soft, white bread.

6. Lunch meat from the deli

7. Barrets

8. Gas in my car

9. For some reason, I feel like a provider (and I don't even work) when I buy a huge box of diapers.

10. Pajamas. I grew up sleeping in sweats or a t-shirt and underwear. Buying matching, cute PJs seems like a unneeded expense.

The best part about buying all of these is my husband sees them as necessities and doesn't blink when I make a purchase. As a matter of fact, he doesn't understand my hesitation. I love that about him and his normal childhood.

2007-04-25T07:54:00.000-07:00

The Mommy Discount

Several times now I have inadvertently shoplifted. ... OK, it happens all of the time.

It starts innocently enough with me and two small kids and my purse filled with drinks and snacks, and ends with me coming home with things I didn't pay for in my bag or purse.

Usually I have catch these transgressions in the parking lot so I look for some matronly woman walking in and I tell her the story and ask her to drop it off at the customer service counter inside the door (at Target).

Recently, the five-finger discount has increased from Target to Kohl's when i found an unpaid for shirt in my Chick's bag several days later. I still have to go back to Kohl's on this. I didn't like the shirt anyway. Overpriced.

No alarms go off when I leave these stores. The odd thing is at Easter Babies R Us did not take off the security ink tags. I didn't notice til Easter morning when the large plastic discs were still attached to my son's sweater vest and my daughter's dress jacket. They still wore them to church and lunch after.

2007-04-17T13:17:00.000-07:00

Dear Liberal friends and/or Bush haters,

Most of the time I totally agree with you on the state of things in the world, but after listening to Pink's "Dear Mr. President" song I want to point something out: The President is still a human being who, more than we can ever understand, in many ways has the world on his shoulders. He (most likely) isn't a psychopath who only thinks about making money or oil. He probably sleeps much less and much worse than us because he knows much more.

I don't think Bush is the smartest, most well-spoken President, but I think he is a man, a husband and a father who I am sure he making the best choices he can. Even though I might not agree with them. Yes, our job is to challenge and to question government but I think its naive to think he is so greedy and oblivious to the humanity and the needs of the people that he taps his fingers together and thinks "how can I make more money not matter what the cost?"

That is just too narrow-minded.

2007-04-17T13:11:00.000-07:00

To Do Lists

What if we re-thought how we write lists? I get so satisfied when I complete mine for the day, but that is few and far between. Lists seem to be added to all day and then at night I feel guilty and overwhelmed so I "forget" the list entirely. What if lists included:

1. Stop cleaning house 90% of the time when my kids wanted to play with me instead.

2. Choose patience when people are rude to me

3. Laugh instead of cry at spills on my clean floor

4. Work with my daughter on sharing with her brother

5. Work with my son not to push or fuss when he doesn't get his way.

6. Take 30 minutes to do something just for myself

7. Have more fun

8. Call my husband to say "I love you" and thanks for providing for us.

9. NOT vent to my husband about my day as soon as I see him

10. Remember they grow fast

2007-04-16T11:07:00.000-07:00

Of sound mind

These are the sounds I enjoy, in no particular order:

*The sounds of someone else cleaning my house as I take a nap. I love the clanging of the pots and pans and water swishing through the sink. It's beautiful.
*Hearing my kids play nicely together. Particularly saying things to each other like I would say to them like "It's OK bubba, here ya go..."
*My husband saying something complimentary about me to someone else when he doesn't know I am listening.
*Laughing
*Silence

2007-04-14T14:56:00.000-07:00

Jackie Apple-seed

My 2-year-old son got hungry while we watched our car getting washed. I gave him a whole apple, peel and all, to keep him busy. I wondered if he would eat the peel since I have to peel everything for his big sister. When the car was finished I gave him the rest of the apple in his car seat and we drove away. When we got home he handed me the stem. JUST THE STEM. I asked "Jack, where is the rest? The core and seeds??" He pointed to his mouth.

2007-04-14T14:50:00.000-07:00

Date Night

We have been going to Krav Maga for almost two months now (see other post) for our date night. We started grappling now on the mats last week which is getting on the ground and taking turns being on top of your partner/attacker and working to get them off of you. (Wait, maybe it is a date night?! I digress.) We are in a class mostly of male high schoolers and I usually end up with a 14-year-old boy who is five inches shorter than me. I am not sure its really a date when we pull up to the Dojo and I ask my husband "Which high school boy will I be straddling tonight?" And he doesn't flinch.

2007-04-13T13:58:00.000-07:00

American Idle

Ok is it me, or does AI contestant Melinda Doolittle look like a young black Lily Tomlin?

2007-03-15T20:15:00.000-07:00

Wait, I thought "Peter Pan" was a nice story?

I don't remember ever watching the Disney classic as a child so now I watch it here and there with my kids. I was surprised by these things:

1. Peter Pan is a narcissistic clueless boy who all the girls have a crush on and he only cares about himself and playing... and hurting Capt. Hook
2. Tinker Bell is just mean:
a. she is jealous of everyone especially Wendy
b. she is so angry that she turns red and burns through leaves
c. She tries to hurt Wendy
d. She betrays Pan to Capt. Hook
3. A dog named Nana is who takes care of the children and all that the baby remembers when asked about his "real mother"

what else am I missing? I guess I should just be happy the parents are alive unlike "Cinderella", "Snow White" and the mother in "Beauty and the Beast"

2007-03-15T13:46:00.000-07:00

Krav Maga

Husband thought it was a good idea to mix up date night a little with a self-defense class so we can get some exercise and spend time together. Yes, its great exercise but its also a very humbling experience.

"Krav Maga is the official self defense system of the Israeli Defense Forces, and has been taught to hundreds of law enforcement agencies and thousands of civilians in the United States. Krav Maga is a simple, effective self defense system that emphasizes instinctive movements, practical techniques, and realistic training scenarios."

Lass night was our second night in the Dojo. We take it at night with all of the high schoolers who never seem to tire. Sasha was my partner again.

(Yes, you would think that Husband and I should be partners on date night but the Sensi separated us so he can get a better workout. I think it was the sheer fear on my face as he came at me punching (the hand-held pads). Holding the bags even hurts!

Partner Sasha (nobody wants to be my partner) is one of those girls that I always wanted to be in high school: pretty (she wears full makeup to class), high-pitched voice, and perfect skin. The braces might trick you into thinking she can't pack a punch or a kick. (see picture of my right thigh) Its a bit surprising since she sqeaks like a mouse. Oh, by the way, she takes the Krav Maga level 2 class before the class I take. She does take a break and run to the gym across the street for a quick workout while we warm up.

She had me a choke hold for part of the night and I had to hit her in the groin and pull back her head by the nose "like a Pez dispenser" says the Sensi.

All of this after we run in a circle around the mats tossing a medicine ball person to person for about 10 minutes -- or until I hyperventilate. If you drop the ball, which I did twice on the first night, everyone has to drop to the floor and do 10 push-ups. I felt very... welcomed there.

Oh, and at anytime in the 60 minute class one of the Sensis yells "sprawl" you have to drop down to the floor and do one BOY push-up. By the time I get on the floor people are back up and punching each other again.

After the running in circles we learned roundhouse kicks and practiced punches.

I am so sore today I just ache. I do love the peer pressure of group classes like this. They make me keep up.

Funny thing: I wish we could take it three times a week. I really like the punching part!

2007-01-14T12:59:00.000-08:00

FREEDOM OF SPEECH

2007-01-05T14:36:00.000-08:00

Out with Pop

Yes, of course I adore my 87-year-old grandfather, but...

Every person who looks in his general direction he:

1. Let's them know that I am his granddaughter and my kids are his "great-grandkids...now i said GREAT grandkids"

2. Says "I hope you have a good Christmas and a good New Year. May the Lord Bless you and your family this year." This starts in mid-November and after Christmas he focuses on the New Year. Its like a five-minute hello to every person he passes.

3. On the weather: "It's warmer than I'm used to.... I am from Pennsylvania..." or "It's not as cold as I am used to..."

2006-12-20T20:28:00.000-08:00

How a father leaves the house without the kids
1. Grab keys and wallet
2. Leaves

How a mother leaves the house without the kids
1. Make a list of what needs to happen during the time she is gone.
2. Fix dinner (or whatever meal), wash dishes, set the table
3. Change diapers
4. Ready children for bed
6. Leave note where going, time of return
7. Feel guilty as you drag yourself away with kids screaming as you leave
8. Receive three calls before you pull out of the driveway from the father with kids still screaming in the background
9. Return home to a disaster area with food, dishes, dirty diapers and Father watching TV

2006-12-01T08:22:00.000-08:00

How has art had an affect on you?

Last night, I came full circle. I sat with my 87-year-old grandfather and watched Madonna's latest concert on Bravo. My mouth was agape at the costumes, dancing and performance. Art. Pop was shaking his head the entire time and saying "This is terrible..."

It reminded me of the first time I saw Madonna, with most of the rest of the world, on the MTV video awards in the mid 1980s. I lay in front of my grandpa's huge TV and watched Madonna hump her way across the stage singing "Like a Virgin." My mouth was agape at the performance. He said and did the same thing. I knew that I was watching something pretty special. Art come to life.

I have had my breathe taken away by art a few times including: Seeing "The White Stripes" on the Grammys (with Pop again!); listening to Jay-z's "99 problems"; watching "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" and "The Cell"; laying prostrate having a conversation with the God of the universe; meeting my husband for the first time; and having my children.

When have you realized you are in the midst of greatness? Pure art?

2006-11-28T19:10:00.000-08:00

Why my sister-in-law and I aren't... let's say close
Off the top of my head:
1. I have NEVER in the 19 years around the family, heard her gafaw. Belly laugh. Nothing.
2. She sent us Christmas presents BEFORE THANKSGIVING
3. She doesn't allow her waif-like 2-year-old to eat all the fruit and veggies she wants.
4. She can't play board games well.
5. She has asked me a total of maybe four questions in my life (besides 'Where's ....?" or "what time is it?"
6. She is boring. I think of her like a slice of white bread: looks good but nothing to it.
7. She doesn't like me/doesn't get me
8. And being around her, and her family, I am not as good of a person as I should be.

2006-09-15T19:27:00.000-07:00

"Shhhh!" says my 3-year-old as we ready for bed, "Someone's in my room."
My husband was at work and my heart skipped a beat. "Who?" I said.
"God...Jesus too, He is in my bed."

2006-09-15T07:13:00.000-07:00

Numbers: You decide what they mean
3,015 Americans have died in Iraq as of September 9.
2,666 of these were military deaths and 349 were civilians.
2973 dead on 9.11

2006-09-15T07:10:00.000-07:00

Ann Richards on How to Be a Good Republican
(Richards, the one-time school teacher and homemaker who served as Texas' 45th governor from 1991 to 1995, died at her Austin home late Wednesday after a six-month bout with esophageal cancer and two weeks after her 73rd birthday. Her body will lie in state over the weekend in the state Capitol Rotunda, where her portrait has hung since she left office.)
1. You have to believe that the nation’s current 8-year prosperity was due to the work of Ronald Reagan and George Bush, but yesterday’s gasoline prices are all Clinton’s fault.
2. You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success all on their own.
3. You have to be against all government programs, but expect Social Security checks on time.
4. You have to believe that AIDS victims deserve their disease, but smokers with lung cancer and overweight individuals with heart disease don’t deserve theirs.
5. You have to appreciate the power rush that comes with sporting a gun.
6. You have to believe…everything Rush Limbaugh says.
7. You have to believe that the agricultural, restaurant, housing and hotel industries can survive without immigrant labor.
8. You have to believe God hates homosexuality, but loves the death penalty.
9. You have to believe society is color-blind and growing up black in America doesn’t diminish your opportunities, but you still won’t vote for Alan Keyes.
10. You have to believe that pollution is OK as long as it makes a profit.
11. You have to believe in prayer in schools, as long as you don’t pray to Allah or Buddha.
12. You have to believe Newt Gingrich and Henry Hyde were really faithful husbands.
13. You have to believe speaking a few Spanish phrases makes you instantly popular in the barrio.
14. You have to believe that only your own teenagers are still virgins.
15. You have to be against government interference in business, until your oil company, corporation or Savings and Loan is about to go broke and you beg for a government bail out.
16. You love Jesus and Jesus loves you and, by the way, Jesus shares your hatred for AIDS victims, homosexuals, and President Clinton.
17. You have to believe government has nothing to do with providing police protection, national defense, and building roads.
18. You have to believe a poor, minority student with a disciplinary history and failing grades will be admitted into an elite private school with a $1,000 voucher.

2006-08-21T07:23:00.000-07:00

The Rabbit.
And you know what I am talking about.

2006-08-05T15:10:00.000-07:00

Their safe place

I realized yesterday that I am my kids safe place. When I called upstairs to my three year old, it made my one year old jump. He immediately ran, arms wide open, into my chest... Later, when my older daughter was disciplined she wanted to "hold you".

It occurred to me that I now need to show them where my safe place is. Not food or alcohol, but in the arms of God. I just have to remember that myself.

2006-08-03T19:43:00.000-07:00

Things that I am slightly embarrassed by

1. I enjoy listening to John Tesh on KFSH. I like his little todbits of information.

2. Most of the time I would rather watch TV, a reality show -- that's right! -- than read.
2b. I can rewatch an episode of "Project Runway" or "Top Chef" ten times. And on Bravo, that's is very possible.

3. I read the Life etc. section of the paper first.

4. I have to really focus when I read a story in the paper on the middle east. And I am not that interested anyway.

5. I like being alone after the kids are in bed. I really don't mind that my husband is at work. I kinda like the time.

6. I read Rosie Odonnell's blog almost daily (she updates it at least once a day). www.rosie.com

7. I REALLY enjoy playing with play-doh. I bought "my daughter" all of the accessories. The the hair press is my favorite...er..uh..her favorite.

2006-07-26T15:11:00.000-07:00

My Hump Island
(you know the magical, non-exsistant place where you can have five people there for your beck and call... and it CANT be your spouse. They, sadly at this place, never exsisted.)

1. Vince Vaughn: Funny, smart, tall, sweet
2. David Duchovny: Funny, smart (went to Princeton for undergrad and Yale for grad!)
3. Mark Ruffalo: Short, has marbles in his mouth, kinda dirty
4. Michael Ian Black: Funny, good poker player
5. Jude Law: The stare (even though he is a cheater. on this island he is fully devoted.)

Who is on your "Hump Island"?

2006-07-24T13:12:00.000-07:00

This is from my brother-in-law's blog (the one I went to his 17th annual 21st birthday party on sunday and i blogged aboout):
"Had Margaritas w/ Rachel, Tara, and Joe from work. I don't drink regular lime ones, nor do I drink ones on the rocks. People say it's a little girly, but first of all I think the lime is too bitter. Second of all, I like how the strawberry matches my period blood. (12/4)"

How could I NOT want to be around a guy with a sense of humor like that??? I love it!

his blog is http://www.myspace.com/glen8p

2006-07-23T21:01:00.000-07:00

Have you ever felt like the worse part of yourself around certain people? There are a couple people in my life that for some reason I am in some rut with them. I absolutely don't feel like myself. I don't feel fun, and funny and relaxed but rather the darker, uptight bore. Opposite me. (I guess you could argue that maybe I have a high opinion about myself.)

I feel like that around my sister-in-law's family. I have known them for more than half my life and yet I instantly become the uptight, unfunny little sister tagalong to be ignored that I was at 14. A stereotypical Christian.

I am the same age as my sister-in-law's brother and we have been around each other alone and in a group growing up. He is kind enough to invite me to his annual "21st birthday party". I attended anything he and his parents invite us to which is basically Christmas and the July birthday. I am an outsider there which kills me because I have been an outsider for so long.

When I was 14, I would tag along with my brother and then girlfriend in that circle. I went off to college, got married and had babies and they didn't. My brother moved to Arizona.

I wouldn't be surprised that my bro and his wife came out more than they let me know and visit her inlaws and family without me tagging along again. They invite out of obligation.
I guess I thought having kids (my brother and wife can't) would help closen the relationship. Really, it has just highlighted the fact that they can't be bothered with us at all. They don't call or send gifts on the kids birthdays. At the annual birthday party/picnic they barely acknowledge we are there. Heck, my first baby was born the day before this blessed picnic and my brother didn't come by the hospital to meet his first niece until they stopped by on the way home to AZ.

Its like they are surrounded by a thick Plexiglas and I am pounding on the walls begging to belong. And because we barely speak at the picnic, unless I am dragging information out of them, they don't know me as an adult. They know what they remember, if they remember at all, a silly druggie tell tagging along to get out of an abusive house. Its so frustrating because I feel like I need to convince them that they would like me if they just go to know me.

I think my brother really doesn't care because he gets what he needs from his wife's family and I am just a reminder of what a disappointment his is.

2006-07-20T20:25:00.000-07:00

Just some random thoughts

Teen girls always seem to want long beautiful hair. So we grow it out as long and flirty as possible. Then we get married and, either after a couple years or right after we have a baby, we chop it off. We think it will be sexy and sassy. Then reality hits that we have mom hair. So in our 30s we desperately try to grow it out again because "we wont be able to pull it off much longer because we are getting older." Then we cut it short again because, who are we kidding, we're old.

I called an infomercial today to order beauty products endorsed by Cindy Crawford. An informercial.

2006-07-11T19:55:00.000-07:00

http://www.mandmlag.blogspot.com/

2006-06-16T16:28:00.000-07:00

100 things you might not know about me:

(inspired by KY COOP)

1. My first name isn't Joelle
2. I finished the LA marathon, and the Pacific Shoreline half marathon.
3. I have always felt that I have talent. If my mom would have been a good mom, I would be a great musician and artist, but she never paid for those classes.
4. I think the newsroom is one of the most exciting, sexy places on earth.
5. I married up.
6. I am not sure my husband feels the same way about me.
7. I hate all snakes and sharks, but love watching TV shows about them.
8. I have a hard time not cussing.
9. I really really wish I could sing. I daydream I am a rock star.
10. I pretty much like or am basically amused by everyone.
11. I am a better Christian around non-Christians.
12. I miss working with and spending time with non-Christians now that I am a stay-at-home mom.
13. I don't really feel like I belong to any family.
14. I love having people to my home and throwing parties.
15. I love playing Texas hold 'em and really want to play in a tournament.
16. I get paralyzed when I am overwhelmed with a bunch of decisions like planning a wedding or buying a house.
17. I want to write my memoir. But not like James Frey did. An Honest one.
18. I really really want a third baby.
19. I want my in-laws to appreciate, love and enjoy me.
20. I think I am a food addict.
22. The F word feels great to say when you are ticked.
23. Injustice pisses me off. So does racism.
24. I fear my kids will be overweight like me.
25. I am growing a huge heart for the homosexual/transgender community. Like Jesus had, I hope.
26. I tend to get along with men better than women.
27. I miss laughing with my husband.
28. I love to travel.
29. I almost didn't graduate from high school.
30. I moved out of my mom's house at 14.
31. I always knew that I was better and smarter than my family said I was.
32. Not many things offend me.
33. Except the phrase "trailer trash". People aren't trash.
34. I love bathroom humor. Come on, "There's Something About Mary" is one of the funniest movies ever made.
35. I love batters: cake, brownie and cookie dough I think are better than the cooked product.

36. I love Vince Vaughn.
37. I honestly forget how old I am.
38. I know I will live vicariously through my daughter.
39. I am pretty good at staying in touch with friends.
40. Most of my good friends have moved out of state.
41. I could live almost anywhere.
42. I am scared of the day my grandpa dies.
43. I was born in York, PA
44. I met my dad for the first time (he left when I was 2) when I was 12 and he said I was ugly "just like your mother." Happy Father's Day.
45. I am the opposite of an anorexic. When I look in the mirror I see size 8. Its not until I see a picture that reality sets in.
46. I am a night owl.
47. I am pretty easy-going
48. I hate being bullied.
49. I have written in a journal since I was 10.
50. I like my naturally curly hair.
51. I love Van Halen and all of those 80s rock bands... I went to Monsters of Rock.
52. I can endure almost anything.
53. I am a bit dyslexic.
54. I like speaking in public.
55. I stutter a bit when my thoughts work faster than my mouth.
56. Compliments scare me.
57. I used to smoke a pack a day of cigarettes.
58. I have tried all kinds of drugs and alcohol and never got addicted...
59. I used to dye my hair all kinds of funky purple and red colors.
60. I really like a clean house that smells of bleach and flowers.
61. I read "People" and "Entertainment Weekly" cover to cover the day it arrives.
62. I miss working at the newspaper. I miss the instant gratification of my work.
63. It scares me to depend on my husband 100% for money
64. I love going to the movies and I have to see every preview and sit middle, middle.
65. I never wear a watch.
66. I worry what kind of childhood my kids will have.
67. I can handle the stress of working a lot of hours.
68. I want to take cooking classes.
69. I hate the names Amber, Bruce, Roy and anything made up or with odd spellings.
70. I have a high sense of justice.
71. Sometimes I think I deserve better and I don't demand it.
72. I never want to be in charge, always second in charge.
73. I am a better team leader than dictator.
74. I miss lightening bugs and lots of open space of PA.
75. I am afraid life won't get better than it is now.
76. Mean people really suck.
77. People with no sense of humor are fascinating to me. And sad.
78. I have a wide, diverse group of friends.
79. I HATE being late. Deadlines!
80. I was an editor at the Register at 24 years old. I had reporters who were older than me.
81. I say "yes" too often.
82. I wish I could speak Spanish.
83. Bad parents irritate me.
84. I ate cabbage and peanut butter for three months when I was 5 because we were on welfare. 85. My mom took me and my brother from PA to Santa Monica when I was 5. We drove and slept in a 1970 yellow maverick for a week. We depended on hitchhikers for food.
86. My brother's friend and our neighbor molested me when I was like 8.
87. My mom tried to suffocate me when I was like 10.
88. My brother stopped her and saved my life... he then made me apologize to her for pissing her off.
89. I don't remember much of my childhood or ages except major beatings.
90. I wish my brother and I were still close.
91. I fear that I will lash out at my kids like my mom did... and everytime I don't I am pissed that she did.
92. Jesus saves me. Daily.
93. I always wanted a "normal life" and for me that was like the "Brady Bunch". I am still waiting.
94. I used to think my deadbeat dad forgot that he had kids.
95. To my mom and husband and my husband's family Christianity is a tradition. And that really pisses me off for some reason.
96. I am pretty good at reading people.
97. I want to take painting classes.
98. I play the lottery regularly and fantasize about what I would buy with the money.
99. The Edgingtons made a huge difference in my life and they keep me from moving out of state to a cheaper place.
100. I like when people know my enough to say "jo, that is totally something you would do..." and call me on things I screwed up on.

2006-05-04T00:19:00.000-07:00

It was girls' night a couple weeks ago and I was child-free for at least a few hours.

I couldn't get out of the house faster.

I was to meet the other gals for dinner at 6:15 and my departure time got earlier and earlier. I made and fed my family dinner by 4:30pm and announced I was on the way out.

My husband said: "don't think I don't notice that you are leaving an hour and a half before dinner and several hours before your movie starts...."

"Traffic" I said as I click my heels and closed the front door.

I had the music blasting on my corolla's 1992 stereo speakers so loud that I didn't hear my cell phone ring. I was holding the phone.

"smells like teen spirit" was playing and I had a flashback to the teen angst I thought I would never feel or understand again. The adolescent mix feeling of pent up emotion, rebellion and freedom.

I sang over the music and had the windows down. I was free. We laughed and told stories and ate burgers and fries and nobody changed a diaper.

Hours later, on the way home from the movies, I couldn't wait to see my kids again. I wanted to sleep on the floor of their room except that just seemed too tragic.

What is the song you roll your windows down to and sing over?

2006-05-02T19:17:00.000-07:00

my husband calls me "leather feet". it could be my indian name.

its true i love being barefoot and in southern california that is possible 24-7. so they get think and dirty and gross but i say "comfortable".

christians always do the washing of feet thing as some special moody events to imitate jesus washing the disciples feet. it never had an impact on me, really -- so far removed from our culture now, although i love and respect the idea.

tonight was the first time it hit home a bit.

my 3 year old asked me to put my feet in the tub while her and her brother took a bath. she washed my dirty "leather feet" and it felt good.

maybe that is what i can get from the washing feet story in the bible. jesus can make us clean, and it feels good.

2006-04-25T22:30:00.000-07:00

My kids bedtime is my favorite part of the day. I sometimes count down the hours or minutes to naptime or bedtime.

By 8pm solid, the kids are asleep and I am downstairs and the evening is mine .... to clean and do some chores and yes watch some good old fashioned TV.

I kinda feel bad saying that time without my kids is my favorite. Then I realized what my second-favorite time is: the time I looked forward to when I missed it every day because I was working full time. The time when I see their sweaty hair sticking to their face and their rosey cheeks: The time when they wake up.

2006-04-20T15:27:00.000-07:00

So I am feeling pretty cute as I walk into the bookstore for the children's reading hour with a baby on my hip and toddler in tow.

I actually have eye makeup on.

As I approached the store a guy -- the badboy kind with tattoos and a wife beater -- was checking me out
"Yes, I still have it goin' on," I thought.

Then I noticed that my zipper was down.

2006-04-17T14:32:00.000-07:00

I went back to my old job today for a visit, a OC newspaper, about a year after I went on maternity leave and then quit. It was odd like nothing had change. Like at any minute I would have to walk back to my desk and figure out an illustration for the cover or answer an IM or talk with an editor.

But instead I gathered my two kids with cheerios all over the floor, loaded the car and drove home. Something I had wanted since I had my daughter almost three years ago.

Its the usual sunny beautiful day and I left work free.

Eveyone asked me what I do all day staying at home. The one thing i didnt expect is that i have time to be helpful to someone. time to listen and time to enjoy the sunshine and the birds singing. time to enjoy my daughter's hundreth "why" question.

Time to look outside my family and help someone else. Time to reflect and to plan.

Yep, i sure did miss working. Getting paid. Getting something tangible done that i can see the results the very next day.

Well my kids are napping so i think i will too.

2006-04-15T22:46:00.000-07:00

its funny how quickly your life gets wrapped up in itself. i mean one minute i am working full-time -- i quit a year ago today -- AND raising a baby and doing all of the wife and house stuff and the next i am at home full time feeling too busy to talk to my neighbors.

maybe its a season of life with two small kids -- BOTH in diapers -- or maybe this is me being lulled into mediocrity. i am actually starting to believe and act as if all i can do is raise my kids, do my husband and cook dinner. give me a break.

i am struggling not to wear sweats everyday. at this point i am happy that i actually change clothes when i get out of bed.

2006-04-02T23:14:00.000-07:00

This is my first posting. I feel a little indulgent telling my thoughts on this site while my husband and kids sleep, but here a goes:

Just something random, but if i had a ton of money i would hire a personal trainer, a chef and a housekeeper... and personal assistant.

Quiet people make me nervous and i feel like i have to perform for them like a monkey on a sidewalk with a little hat.

I like a big scoop of peanut butter with M&Ms.