My kids bedtime is my favorite part of the day. I sometimes count down the hours or minutes to naptime or bedtime.

By 8pm solid, the kids are asleep and I am downstairs and the evening is mine .... to clean and do some chores and yes watch some good old fashioned TV.

I kinda feel bad saying that time without my kids is my favorite. Then I realized what my second-favorite time is: the time I looked forward to when I missed it every day because I was working full time. The time when I see their sweaty hair sticking to their face and their rosey cheeks: The time when they wake up.

So I am feeling pretty cute as I walk into the bookstore for the children's reading hour with a baby on my hip and toddler in tow.

I actually have eye makeup on.

As I approached the store a guy -- the badboy kind with tattoos and a wife beater -- was checking me out
"Yes, I still have it goin' on," I thought.

Then I noticed that my zipper was down.

I went back to my old job today for a visit, a OC newspaper, about a year after I went on maternity leave and then quit. It was odd like nothing had change. Like at any minute I would have to walk back to my desk and figure out an illustration for the cover or answer an IM or talk with an editor.

But instead I gathered my two kids with cheerios all over the floor, loaded the car and drove home. Something I had wanted since I had my daughter almost three years ago.

Its the usual sunny beautiful day and I left work free.

Eveyone asked me what I do all day staying at home. The one thing i didnt expect is that i have time to be helpful to someone. time to listen and time to enjoy the sunshine and the birds singing. time to enjoy my daughter's hundreth "why" question.

Time to look outside my family and help someone else. Time to reflect and to plan.

Yep, i sure did miss working. Getting paid. Getting something tangible done that i can see the results the very next day.

Well my kids are napping so i think i will too.

its funny how quickly your life gets wrapped up in itself. i mean one minute i am working full-time -- i quit a year ago today -- AND raising a baby and doing all of the wife and house stuff and the next i am at home full time feeling too busy to talk to my neighbors.

maybe its a season of life with two small kids -- BOTH in diapers -- or maybe this is me being lulled into mediocrity. i am actually starting to believe and act as if all i can do is raise my kids, do my husband and cook dinner. give me a break.

i am struggling not to wear sweats everyday. at this point i am happy that i actually change clothes when i get out of bed.

This is my first posting. I feel a little indulgent telling my thoughts on this site while my husband and kids sleep, but here a goes:

Just something random, but if i had a ton of money i would hire a personal trainer, a chef and a housekeeper... and personal assistant.

Quiet people make me nervous and i feel like i have to perform for them like a monkey on a sidewalk with a little hat.

I like a big scoop of peanut butter with M&Ms.